Coaching Wizardry

When it's time for a change

Here are some snippets from posts inspired by those days, those moments, when you just know that it's time for a change.

Resilience or the art of bouncing back

What a great set of ingredients for being resilient, for bouncing back.  And don't you love the word - I feel more positive just saying "bouncebackability"... and for me it immediately conjures up a sense of movement, of energy, of dynamism, of springing back...

Permission to narrow your focus

But it also reminded me that picking your spot takes some courage, some conscious, explicit decision to turn your attention away from all the other things that are calling to you, that you could spend your time on, that might be fun to explore, that are worthy causes for you to commit to.

And sometimes you need nudges, reminders, pointers, permission maybe that say: it’s okay to narrow your focus, to turn your attention away from everything else.

When it's time to wake up

I don't know if you've ever felt like you've been sleep-walking your way through life?  I think most of us have, some time.

Times when we've been so caught up in our busyness we've forgotten what we were trying to do or where we were trying to get to.  When we've given so much time and energy to other people that we've lost sight of ourselves. Our selves.  When life starts to lose its colour, its detail, its wondrous beauty.  When we we just drift along, as if asleep

Happy Butterfly Day

I think for me "Happy Butterfly Day" would mean a celebration of:

• everything that was colourful and beautiful in the world
• the amazing diversity of human life
• the wider world that we live in, recognising that our actions, our butterfly wings, can make a difference (for good or ill) in other parts of the world
• people who have the courage to step out of the chrysalis
• the importance of flapping our wings and flying free

Find out who you are and do it on purpose: Part II

Find out who you are and do it on purpose - well to me that's about starting with yourself, so the purpose stems from inside, the unique person that you are, rather than what someone else has decided for you (even indirectly, like pressure to live or think in a certain way). It also makes me smile because - for me - it captures a sense of pride in who you and going out and doing it big style, full of va va voom - which is definitely how Dolly does it :)

That's what "find out who you are and do it on purpose" means to me.  It's only one answer though. 

I wonder what it means to you?

Gratitude in words and pictures

I love words and writing but as the saying goes, sometimes a picture's worth a thousand of them.

I was reminded of this the other day with a challenge from Liz Strauss to test our concepts of being time rich and time poor.  It's the link with the picture that tells the more compelling story - the one that lingers, the one that flickers through our mind to slow down when we're moving too fast.  (You'll have to take the test to find out which link takes you to the picture.  What do you mean you don't have time?!)

Thought about it some more this afternoon - a most glorious early winter day in Edinburgh, when the leaves are dancing in all their faded glory.

You'd have to be moving really fast not to stop and feel thankful on a day like today.

And I did. 

Slowed down and stopped to take some photos.  To breathe in the wonder of the day.

And I found some words to express that feeling of gratitude.  But I'm left with the lingering feeling that it's the pictures that I took that will stay with me like the rays of winter sunlight, piercing my consciousness long after the last leaves have fallen.

How about you?  How do you express these waves of gratitude?  Is it through words, pictures, music, song?

On mindfulness, the sun, and the environment

People around the world are talking and writing about the environment today.  I'm one of them.

One of the things I want to try and say is that paying attention to the world that we live in, not taking things for granted, being mindful - well that's a key shift that will help us to do the things we need to do, say the things that we need to say, learn the things that we need to learn.

But sometimes my own words seem too small in the face of something so important.  So I thought I'd share a poem that to me is all about being mindful, being grateful for the resources that we have, paying attention to the wonders of this most amazing world that we are blessed with the chance to live in.

The Sun

Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful

than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon

and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone--
and how it slides again

out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower

streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance--
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love--
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure

that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you

as you stand there,
empty-handed--
or have you too
turned from this world--

or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?

---

The Sun by Mary Oliver is a contribution to Blog Action Day: a world-wide conversation on the environment.

When it's time to shift direction

I read a great quote the other day - one of Hilda Carroll's regular offerings of thoughts for the week. 

The words were from Douglas Adams and this is what he said:

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

It reminded me that we often find ourselves places that we didn't mean to go - and that's okay.  It doesn't mean we need to head back again - perhaps we just need to stop and enjoy the view, explore the paths that head off from here, or just accept that this is where we were 'meant' to get to in the first place.

I've been reflecting since my holiday on where I was going with my writing, coaching, and blogging.  The conclusion I've reached is that I want to focus on my work as a writing coach, and writing (and blogging) about writing with confidence.  I don't think it's possible (or sensible) to put equal effort into two different ways of writing (and coaching, learning, teaching and blogging).  You end up splitting your focus and attention, and reducing the quality of - and your enjoyment in - both.

So from here on I'm going to make the main focus of my work the Confident Writing blog.  It's going from strength to strength (I think!) and I'd love to see you over there if you haven't visited before.  Just click the link...

This shift in focus means writing less here, but continuing to develop it as a site:

Where I share some of my own more reflective writing. It’s a place to explore what happens when we start playing with language, and possibilities. A place to daydream. A place to share words and ideas inspired by stories, metaphors, pictures, films, music, nature, each other. The best learning comes when we share our stories together so please feel free to read, to explore, to add a comment, to explore new possibilities and conjure up new realities...

Thanks for all your support so far - I've learned so much from the connections that have already flowed from our exchanges here.  Although I'll be posting less you should expect to see many of the same themes and aims as before, so I hope you'll carry on visiting, and reading, and sharing your own thoughts, words, learning and stories.

How unlearning opens up possibilities

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn” (Gloria Steinem)

I don't know about you but the idea of unlearning is a less familiar one than learning, or relearning.  I've been learning about the power of unlearning this month over at Joyful Jubilant Learning, in a theme introduced and hosted by Dean Boyer.

This is the challenge that he presented us with:

Let's not only share what we have learned but also anything we have unlearned! We all have a tendency to complicate our lives through our learning; perhaps August will be a month where we start to simplify our lives by unlearning things. As living and learning go together (Adrian Savage), unlearning and freeing go together, in my opinion. The most accomplished piano student must not only learn properly, but unlearn any limiting habit (posture, hand positioning, etc.) to fully develop into an accomplished musician.

You can see how unlearning might start to open things up.  How we can simplify our world, getting rid of things (ideas, beliefs, habits) that are no longer serving us.  How unlearning goes hand in hand with living more freely.

I decided to take up the (un)learning challenge with my first piece as a contributing author with Joyful Jubilant Learning.  It's about unlearning the power of "shoulds" and replacing them with the language of possibility, the language of perhaps.  It begins:

"Sometimes I wonder if the word "should" is one of the most powerful barriers to learning, acceptance and growth.  Sometimes it can feel like tangleweed, wrapping itself around hopes, dreams and possibilities, stifling the life out of us with requirements and instructions and obligations.

These are powerful constraints, powerful strangleholds, and part, I think, of what we need to unlearn if we're to flourish and thrive."

You can check out the rest of the piece here.  There's a wealth of other articles and thought pieces on the unlearning challenge that you might enjoy, including 

Things I had to unlearn before I could get let go of my clutter, by Ariane Benefit and

Unlearning Mediocrity by April Grove

On the unlearning theme I just have to flag up some fascinating insights from Robyn McMaster at Brain Based Biz on how our minds work, challenging us to unlearn and relearn the difference between grey and white matter, and to unlearn unhelpful strategies for those of us (like me!) who are prone to over-thinking.

Well (as Robyn might say) that little  lot should really have stirred your noodle... 

Coming back to Dean's question, what could you unlearn in August to simplify your life, and life more freely?

When it's time to wake up

I don't know if you've ever felt like you've been sleep-walking your way through life?  I think most of us have, some time. 

Times when we've been so caught up in our busyness we've forgotten what we were trying to do or where we were trying to get to.  When we've given so much time and energy to other people that we've lost sight of ourselves. Our selves.  When life starts to lose its colour, its detail, its wondrous beauty.  When we we just drift along, as if asleep.

Some people stay like this.  I was gifted some words the other day (thank you Rosa) that captured this state perfectly. 

“Most people, even though they don’t know it, are asleep… They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing that we call human existence.” ~ Father Anthony de Mello

These words reminded me of times when I'd been asleep, reminded me how amazing it is to feel awake - but also got me thinking about how you know when it's time to wake up.

Which took me back to this scene from The Matrix, when Neo is lying asleep, in front of his computer screen.  A message appears on the screen.  It's simple, short, powerful, perplexing.  Explains nothing but says everything.  A classic note to self.

"Wake up Neo".

And he does.

We don't always know where the message has come from.  We don't always know what it means or where it will take us.  But we can read the words on the screen, and recognise their meaning.

Wake up.

When learning is the spice of life

Some food for thought:

"It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.” (Francis Bacon Sr)

I like the idea of learning as digestion... and then practicing, rather than professing, what we have learned.  There's always a celebration of learning over at Joyful Jubilant Learning and Rosa (the hostess) has been encouraging us to look back at what's been learned during July.  Spices was her hook for the learning points and she rattled through them like a gourmet chef chopping up onions...!

Sticking with the spices (with a definite curry theme - must be feeling deprived after two weeks in the highlands) here's a quick check through of what I've learned in July:

Pepper: there's been so much to learn from the comments and conversations here this month, I'm wondering if thoughtful, generous comments are like black pepper, sprinkled over our food, bringing meals to life?  This month I've had some amazing comments and feedback: thank you all

Cardamom: sometimes we need to split things open to find out what's inside... Learning lessons from the art of juggling this month taught me that to keep progressing, to keep learning, we need to go 'backwards' from our juggulation and start dropping the balls again...

Chillies: nothing like 'em to bring you back to life, waking up your taste buds, maybe even tears to your eyes.  I had the luxury of live music every night when I was on holiday (courtesy of the Feis an Eilein festival on Skye) and it was just amazing, reminding me time after time of the power of music to get us jigging again

Ginger: great for the circulation... I'm wondering if learning isn't the ginger of life.  Even a little bit here and there can make us feel invigorated, curious, intrigued, inspired.... I spent the last fortnight in the company of people brought together with a love of learning.  From 16 to 76 they were using their holidays to learn about a language, music, history, a sense of culture and heritage.  And didn't they all look good on it!  As Robyn reminds us: learning really is good for the brain

Mint: After that explosion of tastes the soothing, refreshing mint that helps us to digest it all...  This month I came across a great question that helped me to feel calm, refreshed, that soothed me and allowed me to shed some old baggage, to make sense of it all, to aid the digestion... It was this great coaching question from Nick at Life 2.0, for which, once again, many thanks:

How does the truth of who we are wish to express itself now?

Words that will stay with me well into August - and beyond.

Thanks, Rosa, for the prompt to look back at the highlights of the month that's coming to a close.  It's a good preparation for whatever adventures lie ahead.   And thanks to all of you that have shared in my learning this month.

If you were to do the same exercise I wonder what learning has been adding spice to your life this month?

Permission to be ordinary

I was thinking about paths again this afternoon as I walked back home from town.  (Sadly the grimy streets of central Edinburgh rather than this gorgeous green path across the hill in the west highlands).  It followed a conversation I'd had with a friend earlier today about some options they were thinking about at work.  Comparing the thing they kind of wanted to do - because it was a good fit with their lifestyle, gave them more time to think about the longer term, maintained some of the things that were important to them about work - income, contribution, a sense of purpose - with what they thought they maybe 'should' do.  Break free.  Run off and do something more 'fun'.  Experiment.  Explore.  Get away from the grindstone as soon as they could.

And yet that wasn't what she wanted.  Was just what other people thought she should do.

It made me think about the ways that we love to trap ourselves in 'shoulds'.  People in wealthy western democracies have so many choices now, so much freedom - yet also so many expectations.  For some people it feels like the expectation to conform, to make money, to be successful, to follow a structured career path.

Yet isn't there also a danger that the brave new world of coaches and solopreneurs and personal development gurus creates a different form of expectation, of pressure, of 'shoulds'. 

Should lead an exciting life.  Should make my mark.  Should break free.

Real freedom is getting beyond both sets of expectations.  Allowing yourself to be normal.  Human.  Ordinary.

Giving yourself permission to do the stuff that matters to you.   Even if other people think it's ordinary.  Mundane.  Run of the mill. 

It's the stuff that matters to you.  Making a difference at work.  Cultivating a wild garden.  Being there for your kids.  Doing stuff for your family, not because you have to, but because you want to. 

Because that too, is what makes you who you are.

Looking for the right path

I don't know if you've ever found yourself looking for the 'right' path?  Wondering if the life that you're living, the choices that you're making are taking you in the 'right' direction, being true to yourself, living the life that you were 'meant' to live?

The search for the path is a recurring theme in poetry and literature, in writings about religion and spirituality, in the world of personal development.  It's something that many people say who come to coaching for the first time - precisely because they they have lost their way.

But looking too hard for the one, true path can create its own problems.  You can find yourself fixed on finding 'the' answer rather than noticing and enjoying where you are.  The path that is unfolding under your feet.  The trail you have left behind.

And it can leave you focused on the path that other people have created, the 'shoulds' of other people's expectations, or the trails that others have blazed, rather than the path that is distinctly yours.  Focused on external pointers and signs, rather than trusting your instincts and intuition to find your way.

Hilda Carroll reminds us today that when we are lost, when we need directions, the answer is to trust our intuition.  One of the people she quotes is Alan Alda, who encourages us leave the path of what's known and allow ourselves to be lost.

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.” ~ Alan Alda

You'll find the same theme being developed in the wonderful 'Monkifesto' that Adam Kayce at Monk At Work has just published.  (The Monkifesto encourages us to apply intuition at work, but the questions would work for anyone looking for that path.  It's based on a series of short, simple statements and questions plus stunningly beautiful photography).

He asks us to:

Imagine you're walking through a forest.
You've got books and maps to show you where to go...
But what do you do when they fail?

The only thing we can trust is our intuition - our sense of connection, our sense of ourselves.  Because sometimes (always?) there is no right path. 

Which takes me back to an excerpt from 'Entirely' by Louis MacNeice.  Pinned up on my notice board to remind me not to get too hung up on the search for the right path.

"And if the world were black or white entirely
And all the charts were plain
Instead of a mad weir of tigerish waters
A prism of delight and pain
We might be surer where we wished to go
Or again we might be merely
Bored but in brute reality there is no
Road that is right entirely."

No right road.  Just us humans, tiptoeing our way through the mysteries of the forest.

Thanks to free-stock photos for the forest photo

Songs to make your heart sing (part III): I'm gonna do it all

Ever since I took part in Hilda Carroll's 'songs to make your heart sing' I've been haunted by songs that do just that.

I came across a new song yesterday.  Driving north and west through the sunshine and showers of the west highlands.  Listening to the Tom Morton show, flickering on and off the radio as I lost reception in the depths of a glen, or when Glasgow and Shetland lost their digital connection.  He played a song by Karine Polwart called 'I'm gonna do it all'.

It was one of those songs that made you sing out loud.  Made you feel fired up and passionate and angry.  Made me think of people I knew who had that fire in their belly to do it all.  People who'd got set back, knocked back by fate, by ill health, by circumstance.  Who were still fighting, struggling, demanding with every breath to do it all.

Which made my eyes fill with tears.

Funny that, how the songs that make your heart sing are the ones that break it too.

Anyway, enough of the emotion, here's a snippet of the amazing lyrics, and a link to a starburst of the song: I'm gonna do it all some day.

I’m gonna fly in a silver winged space rocket
I’m gonna pick out the stars and put them in my pocket
I’m gonna bring those stars back down
So I can spread celestial light around
I’m gonna do it all some day

Dedicated to everyone who's going to bring those stars back down, and do it all some day.

Musical interlude

Ever since I took part in Hilda Carroll's 'Songs That Make Your Heart Sing' I've been thinking about other pieces of music that give you that 'wow' factor - that lift your spirits, that make you smile, that inspire you, that give you the courage to carry on. 

I've come across some great blogging contributions and I am really looking forward to seeing - then hearing - the final playlist.  (If you haven't added yours yet it's not too late to play).  I've been reminded by readers of one of my own all time favourite pieces of music: the soundtrack to Last of the Mohicans.

And every so often I hear other people talking about the songs that make their heart sing.  Stumbled across another one this morning, listening to the 'Inheritance Tracks' feature on BBC Radio 4's 'Saturday Live' programme (the only way to start the weekend!).  The idea of the slot is to identify the one track that you've inherited from your family or someone important in your past, and the one track that you'd like to pass on.

Today's guest was Simon Weston, Falklands War veteran well known in the UK for the horrific burns that he suffered to his face - and his courage in rebuilding his life after the war.  The track he chose to pass on was Free Bird by Lynard Skynard.

With remarkable honesty he talks about the times when he's been in dark places, when this song has helped lift his spirits.  The time when he was finally released from hospital, after 11 months chained up and wrapped in bandages, wondering if he would ever get out, ever go out with his friends again.  Then finding himself free, once again, "able to go out, able to spread your wings, to fly off and do things with your life again".

And dark times when it was hard to see the way forward, when the challenges he faced took him downwards into despondency and depression.  Times when even in that heart of darkness a song like this could lift his spirit, lighten his heart, lift his energy "stopping you sink so deep into yourself".

He describes the song as a reminder: to feel that freedom, to get up and go, to let your spirit fly.

Not just existing, but living out loud.

From downsizing to upshifting

Many people label the radical shifts they make in their career as "downsizing" - opting for less money, a smaller house, less stress, escaping from the rat race.  But downsizing has a number of negative associations - it's a term used in the corporate world for increasing efficiency and laying off staff, and many people find themselves 'downsizing' because their employer has forced them into it, rather than moving into a new way of living of their own volition.  It also suggests that we're settling for 'less' - less money, less status, less stress, less hassle.

If you're on the path to zenployment you might want to change this for a more positive, useful and productive frame: focusing on the things that you want to have more of. 

Emma Bird's done just that, identifying all the extras she's now got in her life.  A story that she'd rather call upshifting than downsizing.  Upshifting for her has meant:

• More time
• More freedom
• Better health
• Improved quality of life
• More money

Plus the chance to experience those priceless moments that come from living in a beautiful place (Sardinia), having enough time to enjoy them - and the right frame of mind to appreciate what you have.

What extra benefits has upsizing brought to you?  And if you're on the path to creating a new future - what happens if you focus not on what you want less of, but what you'd like more of?

The picture of your power source

I wrote a little while back about the importance of 'plugging in' to your own power source - of knowing what it is you need to do or where it is you need to go to recharge your batteries.  Shortly afterwards I came across a  piece of writing that described this same idea - of plugging into your source - in relation to the Hawaiian concept of "Nānā i ke kumu" or "look to your source".  (I was both excited and amazed to find the words that matched so well what I had been trying to describe.)

This is what Rosa Say tells us about Nānā i ke kumu on Managing with Aloha:

"Literally translated Nānā i ke kumu means "look to your source".  Seek authenticity, and be true to who you are... In the Hawaiian culture, sense of place factors very deeply into this value, sense of place being defined as both the feel of a place, and the feel for a place."

 As I said in my earlier piece, my own 'power source' is the west coast of Scotland.  I was lucky enough to have a flying (not literally!) visit to Oban at the weekend.  The sun came out as I headed west and I enjoyed a glorious afternoon of west highland sunshine.  I realised when I was there that certain images contribute to my 'sense of place' and to the feeling the place evokes in me, the sense of recognition that I am 'here'.

Those pictures and images include:

• The deep blue water of a sea loch
• An oystercatcher at the shore
• Black faced sheep
• Tiny flowers creeping out of the rock
• A Calmac ferry crossing the bay

If I had to pick just one... I think it'd have to be the CalMac ferry.

Anyway all of this made me wonder - are there images and pictures that give you that sense of place, that instant surge of recognition, that knowledge that you're plugging back into the source?

The time to stand and stare

Some amazing things turn up in the comments section of this site - ideas, book recommendations, other places to check out, even a poem.  Emma Bird, one of the most regular and generous contributors to the Coaching Wizardry blog quoted the poem Leisure by William Henry Davies a little while ago.

I was reminded of Emma's words and the theme of the poem when I was having a less than totally brilliant day yesterday, trying to fit too much in, running late and focusing on my time rather than the environment round about me.  I was driving down the motorway towards the Forth Road Bridge on my way back to Edinburgh.  Concentrating on the traffic and getting back to town in time for my next engagement.

Suddenly, as I came over the brow of the hill I could see a thick bank of fog sitting over the river.  The haar had been threatening all afternoon but this was fog: thick, white, rolling, a blanket that enveloped the road and the river.  And just over the top of the bank of the fog: the humps of the beautiful old Rail Bridge, graceful, brooding, like an ancient, eternal, goddess of the sea.

It took my breath away.  I can still feel my spine tingling as I write this now. 

I was driving, so I couldn't stop, nor stare.  But I could, and did, stop my train of thoughts to notice what I saw.  Stop fretting for a moment to breathe in, and out, that feeling of total gratitude and appreciation for this stuff that just hides, and emerges, and unfolds in front of us.  Just when we need it the most.

Reaching for the summit

Questions about the breakthrough moment are still running through my head.   There are times indeed when we need to pace ourselves, to learn how to move forward and make changes in our lives.  As Rosa put it so beautifully in a comment on breaking through in June:

We also think of break throughs as such large hurdles, when in fact the smaller ones are just as significant because they serve to open up more capacity for us. To stick with the mountain-climbing imagery of kulia i ka nu'u, experienced trekkers would surely advise us to conquer the smaller peaks before the higher altitude of a Mount Everest would humble us back to our knees!

But I'm wondering if there aren't also times when we do need to go that bit further - out of our comfort zones again, to get to the place we really want, or need, to be.  Seth Godin describes it as The Moment.  The moment:

When you are sitting right on the edge of something daring and scary and creative and powerful and perhaps wonderful... and you blink and take a step back.

His argument being that remarkable people are those who don't blink...

I found another expression for this as I was working my way through the Art of Juggling.   They cite a Japanese proverb.  "When you have completed 95 percent of your journey you are only halfway there".  The willingness to travel the last 5%, the authors suggest is what separates the great from the very good.

So now I'm curious.  Are there times when you've been in 'the moment'?  And did you blink - or step forward?  Have there been times on your journey when you've reached that last 5%?  And what, if anything, did you need to do differently to get to the top?

Is June the month to make your break through?

A lot of the power of coaching comes from asking questions - questions that open up possibilities, that allow you to explore hidden dreams, that reveal how you're stopping yourself, that help you make the connection between what you want - or think you want - and your inner purpose and values. 

Coaching myself is probably the hardest part of the job but again it is questions that help to clear away the clutter and get to the point of what you need to do.  One of the things I'm enjoying about reading other blogs is stumbling across great questions and challenges that slow you down and really get you thinking.  (I don't know about you but I can often feel them rumbling away in the back of my mind, waiting to turn into something to write something to do).

One of my most recent - and valuable - finds has been the treasure chest of material at Managing with Aloha and Talking Story with Say Leadership Coaching, two blogs written by Rosa Say around her work to bring Hawaiian values to the world of business.  There's a coaching theme for each month, built around a particular value.  The theme for June is Kūlia i ka nu‘u, translated by Rosa as "strive to reach the summit" - to be the best that you can be, to push ahead and reach the highest point.  Her challenge to us is not to take a break in June - but instead to go for the break through.

The article really got me thinking - about things we strive for, about the amazing things that people can and do achieve, but also about times we stop perhaps, before we have reached the summit.  And formulated a question that keeps on running through my head.  A question for you - and one that I need to answer for myself too.

Is June the month to make the break through?

You only need three minutes

The sands of time is one of the oldest metaphors around, serving as a powerful visual reminder of the finite nature of life.  An enterprising bishop has turned this concept on its head by using an egg-timer to prompt discussion about the gift of time and ways that we can choose to use it. 

He braved the hordes of time-stressed commuters at Reading Station last Monday morning, offering them the gift of an egg-timer as a reminder of the gift of time.  The message - beyond the gimmick - was to switch off and do nothing for three minutes.  To turn the egg timer over and then allow yourself just to - be.

The idea of handing out egg timers at a station is a little bizarre I know, and he had the grace to acknowledge it must have been a bit much for some people as they steeled themselves for the start of the weekly commute.  But the reactions he describes are interesting.  Some people, of course, rushed past muttering "I haven't got time!".  Others struggled with the idea of doing nothing, even for three minutes.  One woman took the timer, breathed a deep sigh of relief, and said this was just what she had been waiting for.

It turns out the bishop was rushed off his feet for the rest of the week dealing with media enquiries, responding to interest from journalists all over the world.  The pace of modern life is not a new story but it seems we can't get enough of it: reminding ourselves how busy we are, how desperate we are for some 'time out' and yet how hard it remains to stop the clock, to turn the egg-timer and still-be for a while...

If you were granted the gift of just three minutes this week - would you take it?  And what would you use it for?

Search for the hero: a song to make your heart sing

Wouldn't it be great to have a compilation of all the songs that were guaranteed to lift your spirits?  Well that's the project that Hilda Carroll at Living Out Loud has kicked off, looking for the songs that recharge your energy, lift your spirits and make your heart sing.  Her idea is to:

ask others what their number one energy-raising song of choice would be, and compile the lot into the ultimate spirit-lifting play list!

She's only looking for one song which makes the task easier and more difficult at the same time... My first choice might well have been 'Shine' but that's got Hilda's vote so I had to think again.  There's other music that fires my spirit - like the soundtrack to 'Last of the Mohicans' - but for music and lyrics I'm going to plump for M People's 'Search for the Hero'.

As you'll see from the lyrics the song is a fantastic reminder of the power within.  Being a hero isn't about success and achievement, about wealth and prosperity.  It's about the way you choose to deal with the stuff that happens to you.  The choices we make, each and every day, to shape and define the narratives of our lives.  And the decision, whatever happens, to keep on looking up, to keep on aiming high.

In this life, long and hard though it may seem,
Live it as you’d live a dream.
Aim so high.
Just keep the flame of truth burning bright.
The missing treasure you must find
Because you and only you alone
Can build a bridge across the stream.

I can hear it in my head as I type these lyrics but if you want to hear it 'out loud' you'll get a snippet by clicking the button below.

That's mine - what's yours?  I'm tagging three bloggers, Emma at How to Italy, Nick at Life 2.0 and Adam at Monk At Work but consider yourself invited if you want to add to the playlist.

The rules are simple,

1. Post about the one song that makes your heart sing, and uplifts your spirit every time you hear it.  If you can provide a link to lyrics and/or audio that would be fabulous.  But it's not essential, so don't worry about it if you can't.

2.  Include a trackback to both this and Hilda's original post

3.  Feel free to tag three others or invite contributions and ask them to include a trackback to your post and Hilda's when they post.

It's always time for new beginnings

I love the start of a new month.  It's like the start of a new week or a new day, full of promise and possibility, only magnified. 

It's a reminder to seize the moment.  A signal that there's nothing to wait for.  That it's always time for new beginnings.  You just have to decide that the time is now.

With that in mind, here's an amazing quote from Sir Francis Bacon to herald the start of June:

"Begin doing what you want to do now.  We are not living in eternity.  We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake..."

Why learning is for life

The French artist Renoir painted a picture of a flower when he was on his death-bed.  As he was dying he apparently said: "I think I'm beginning to understand something about art."  A true lifelong learner - an open mind right up to his last breath.

I have to confess that when I was in the job that should remain nameless (the civil service) the words "lifelong learning" used to wash over me, one of those meaningless expressions that get bandied about by politicians and educational theorists, bearing little relationship to life (or at least to my life at that time).

Things changed when I took up coaching.  For me, one of the defining features of coaching is that it opens your mind to learning again: about yourself, about life, about your values and what's important to you, about new possibilities, about avenues previously unexplored, opening up new doors that you'd previously marked off as 'closed' (too old, too late to change, not clever enough).  And once you start down that path of your learning - driven by you, your motivation, your life - it's totally addictive.  You'll never want to stop. 

My most recent foray into new learning has been exploring the power of Baroque music to help us concentrate and learn.  I started finding out about this as part of the background work for the dyslexia coaching course.  I'd also dipped into some of the material about Baroque music on Robyn McMaster's site.  But the best way to learn of course is to do, so I experimented with using Baroque music to help me master something new.

The dyslexia coaching includes a number of physical exercises to help with balance, co-ordination and develop different parts of the brain.  Now as someone who is pretty well challenged when it comes to physical co-ordination this was less than totally easy for me.  But my motivation was high (learn to do this and you can help pass it on to kids with dyslexia).  So I experimented doing the exercises to Baroque music and it really worked - better concentration, slower pace, greater sense of rhythm, less focus on what I 'couldn't' do as I allowed the music to take me through the exercises.  Brilliant!  I'm a convert.  The music isn't naturally my cup of tea, but it definitely grows on you, and if it works, it's worth it.

I'm still learning about this as I said but as I understand it the most important thing is to get Baroque music with a slow or 'largo' beat.  I found a list of suggested pieces here.  I've even found a way to add music to the blogsite (more learning!)  You can get an idea of the slow Baroque effect just by clicking the button below.

For me it's a way of slowing down into a rhythm which is natural, powerful, restful, which allows me to do things I didn't 'think' I could do.  It's a way of tapping into a different state.  Of making new connections - inside and outside of yourself.  Seeing new applications.  Opening up new possibilities.  Accessing your childlike sense of curiosity, wonder and fun.

Growing and changing and learning: the natural rhythm of life.

The path less trodden

I got some amazing comments back on the 'search to zenployment', highlighting the value of choosing the path less trodden.

For Emma Bird from How to Italy the path less trodden had taken her to a:

More relaxed lifestyle, more freedom, doing a job that I love and growing and learning new things every day.

(And if you follow her blog you'll know she truly does have a great lifestyle - and approach to life.)

Margaret Ntifo wrote that she was glad she'd had the courage to take the path less trodden, adding some inspiring words about the power we have to shape our destinies:

'I always say “the best way to predict the future is to invent it”. We truly ARE the authors of our own life, or should I say we have been given the power to author our lives, if only we will recognise that power, and use it.'

I often find myself thinking about the paths that we follow (as a metaphor) when I am out walking in wild places.  Paths that are easy, straight, well maintained but maybe less challenging.  Paths that take us out of our comfort zone but create a huge sense of satisfaction and achievement.  Paths that take us to new and unexplored places.  I'd have to admit though that the hardest part of a long walk, for me, is when I can't see the way ahead at all.  When the path peters out and you stop, looking about you, wondering which is the 'right' way to go.

But what never ceases to amaze me is that you always do find a path.  Perhaps your eye leads you beyond the boulders to the line of the shore beyond.  Perhaps it's no more than a sheep track to follow. 

Perhaps, as happened to me recently, it's looking up and seeing the path through the grass marked just by a darker shade of green, and a rich pattern of daisies, marking out the way.

Path to the coral beaches, Dunvegan, Skye

What's your power source?

We all need time to recharge our batteries.  This is a common enough metaphor in everyday speech but how many of us are really that good at monitoring the state of our own inner batteries?  Keeping an eye on what we're doing that drains them, how best to recharge them, spotting the warning signs if our batteries are running low.

Robyn McMaster has a useful post on the importance of play in recharging our batteries and avoiding burnout. As she reminds us:

"Play increases serotonin, Play increases a hormone of well-being, in your brain."

Her post includes a link to an on-line burnout test at Psychology Today - you can access it here. I took the test out of curiosity.  I'm nowhere near burnout these days but as I ran through the questions I was taken back to times in my past when I have been if not burnt out then at least close to it.  If you think this might be you, please, please do something about it before it leaves you completely empty.  As a starting point I'd thoroughly recommend the work of Dina Glouberman, including her book 'The Joy of Burnout'.

But we all need things that recharge our batteries, that plug us back into our natural power source.  That includes play, spending time with people we love, doing things that make us feel refreshed and alive, going to places that inspire us.  My own 'power point' is the highlands and islands of Scotland.  I found a way to fit in a flying visit to Arran on Sunday.  After a dreich start the sun came out at lunchtime, I had a picnic overlooking the Holy Isle, stretched my legs with a seven mile walk and soaked in hours and hours of bright spring sunshine.  I came back with my batteries in great health: energised, plugged in, recharged.

We're all different, and we all need different things to spark us, to ignite our passions, to top up our batteries.  When you feel your batteries are running low: do you know where to go to plug into the source?

Not quite enough time?

I'm a little short of time this afternoon (not to mention that the sun is shining and my garden is calling) so I'm going to keep this one brief.  Of course being short of time can have its own benefits -  as Leonard Bernstein said “To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time...”

So here are three quick links to some interesting reflections on time and how we choose to use it.

Enterpreneur Tim Ellis talks to Darren Rowse (Problogger) about how to 'fill the void' that can open up once you hit the target of working just 4 hours a week.

Anna Farmery at the Engaging Brand approaches time from the other end of the spectrum and reminds those of us who might feel time poor of what can be achieved in just five minutes.

Finally, Shama Hyder's birthday post reminds us to live in the present rather than the land of the as-ifs... because the here and now is all that we have.  And what an amazing "all" it is.

Now I'm off out to the garden to do nothing for a little while, except think about the wise words of philosopher Bertrand Russell:

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

Won't you join the dance? An invitation

Some of you might have been intrigued by the question at the top of the coaching wizardry screen:

"Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"

You might have recognised it as the refrain from Lewis Carroll's Lobster Quadrille - a beautiful gentle poem, and an invitation to join the dance.

I love the idea of offering an invitation to join a different world - whether it be through coaching,  NLP, writing for self-expression or finding ways to tell a different version of your story.

It reminds me of the very famous "Invitation" written by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a poem that went flying around the world when she first wrote it.  And you can understand why - it's a piece of writing that once read you feel compelled to pass on.   You'll see what I mean from this short extract...

... It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive...

And the invitation opens up another a new metaphor: of life as a dance. 

Dancing as the adventure of being alive.

Which brings us back to the question: will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?

The path you are travelling

“I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it.” (Rosalia de Castro)

"The journey" is one of the most commonly used metaphors in coaching.  And "the path" is one of the simplest, yet most powerful metaphors that we use in life.  We find references to the path in the writings of some of our greatest writers, thinkers and spiritual leaders: Emerson, Thoreau, Marianne Williamson, Kahlil Gibran, the Buddha.  And it is a metaphor that we can all connect with - be it the path we are on or the path we have lost.  The paths we are determined to find or the paths we hope to create.

I was reminded by Robyn McMaster last week of the value of 'naturalistic intelligence'. (Put simply: go outside and get inspiration from the natural world.)  I realised when I was out walking at the weekend that following a physical path often puts me in mind of the 'other' path I am on.  Times when I have a specific goal in mind and walk, hard and fast, to reach it.  Times when the path ahead has seemed impossible, impassable.  Times when I am happy to meander and see where the road takes me. 

I thought of all the photos I have taken over the years: a winding path up a mountain, a narrow path through the woods, a rocky path strewn with boulders, a muddy path full of potholes that I will have to walk round or squelch through. 

And thought of times when I've lost my way, but always found a path to follow. Even if it's just a sheep track cutting across the moor.  Or the rocky line of the shore.

Coaching and stories: the untold story

I don't know if you've been wondering about the connection between coaching and stories?  The more I explore this the more connections I can see but for now I'll focus on three main ways that they go together.

1.We can make use of existing stories to gain insight into a situation.  This gives people a fresh perspective, opening up new possibilities for change.

2. As coaches we spend a lot of time listening to the stories that people are telling - telling other people, and telling themselves - and start to pick out what's important to them in those narratives: their values and beliefs, what's precious to them, what might be holding them back.

3. Stories are a metaphor for life.  You'll hear people using this metaphor all the time: "he's really lost the plot", "I can't wait to move into the next chapter" and so on.  And coaching is all about breathing new life into that story. The story that you are inhabiting now, and the story you want to be living - and telling - in the future.

Maya Angelou once said:

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you"

For me that isn't just about telling the story of what's happened to you or what you've been doing up to now.  It's about having the confidence to tell the story of who you are and who you want to be.  The person, the life, the story that is deep inside you: waiting to be told.

Two words to tell your business story

I was "wilfing" the other day - a new word for searching the net aimlessly, based on that feeling of puzzlement you get on a new site and ask yourself What Was I Looking For...

Anyway at the end of this most recent bout of 'wilfing' I found myself reading an article on describing your business in two words.  I'm a firm believer in 'less is more' when it comes to words but this was the first time I'd come across the idea of boiling it right down to two.  Anita Campbell, the author of the piece over at the Success Blog, argues that this is an exercise that will really make you focus on what matters:

It’s tough to do, but the effort will force you and your team to focus like a laser beam.

I've been turning this over in mind for the last couple of days now, trying to work out the two word story for my own business.  I quite liked "liberating stories" ('cos there's a word play) but it's maybe too obscure.  "Creating possibilities" is how I think of my work but again maybe it's on the vague side.  "Transforming experience" comes pretty close to what happens.

Anyway now I've got this puzzle I'm sure to keep on working on it. I'll let you know as and when I get a 'eureka' moment...

Is this a challenge that works for you?  What two words would you use to tell your business story?

The secret to becoming a creative genius

I don't know if you've ever heard yourself saying "I'm not a creative person" or "I'd love to do that, but I'm just not creative"?  If so, you're not alone.  I hear it all the time. 

In fact until recently I was saying it myself - that is until I discovered the secret to becoming a creative genius.

Want to know more? 

Why milestones matter

I know loads of people who've started thinking about the need for change - in their careers, their personal lives, their personal or spiritual development - as they approach a milestone birthday.  Of course some people don't do anything about it at the time (even though the quiet whisper, the gentle knocking on the door doesn't go away... ) but many do: changing jobs, taking a career break, going travelling, pursuing personal development paths through things like coaching or NLP, starting to study again, working for themselves, opening up new horizons...

This is often put down as a mid-life crisis but I think it's more illuminating to think about it in relation to the "milestones" that precipitate this change.

Milestones (as per the thesaurus) are significant events in our lives.  Events that occur at a critical time.  But the meaning comes from their original, practical purpose. Stone posts at the side of the road that show us distances.   

Constructed both to reassure the traveller that the proper path is being followed and to indicate distance travelled.

And I kind of think that's what we're doing when we approach a milestone birthday.  Looking back at the distance travelled.  And checking that the proper path is being followed.

And if, when you check, you find that you're not... well, I for one found myself doing quite a lot of stuff in the milestone year that's just finished - left my job/career, trained in coaching and NLP, went to volunteer and study in Mexico for 3 months, started a new business, had my first book published...

Now I'm at the end of that 12 months I feel good that I'm back on the right path, and proud of the distance travelled.  I'm also quite relieved that my most recent birthday wasn't a milestone, and I've a good few years before the next one - because now I can just relax and see how the story unfolds...

On resilience or the art of bouncing back

The importance of coaching people for resilience is an idea that's been cropping up recently. 

A conversation with a colleague about a coaching goal that both manager and team members could share in difficult circumstances: "being resilient" was the outcome we came up with. 

A discussion on resilience and happiness at the Living Out Loud site - how happiness might not be something people expect or want from work, but that resilience is something they now looking for.  As Hilda says:

In an increasingly stressful workplace, everyone wants to be able to cope with the demands placed upon them, and with juggling their roles in and out of work.  "Resilience" is something they clearly see the benefit of.

And I don't know about you but I've seen a lot of really challenging work circumstances - for myself, colleagues, friends, clients, people I bump into.  Circumstances that can't easily be changed.  And in those circumstances sometimes all you can do is change is the way that you deal with the stuff that happens to you. 

Now there's a great new word for it too: "bouncebackability". Coined by Anna Farmery at the Engaging Brand (although she says she heard it first from a football manager), her explanation of the BOUNCE in bouncebackability is: 

B= Be brave enough to accept the learnings, be brave enough to be honest and humble.
O= Own the actions that you need to take to ensure you don't make the same mistake twice.
U= Understand what is real and what is perception. Often people mix up reality and feelings... Ask how do you
N= Never give up....you never know how close you are to that success. You may be one step away...
C= Consider what has happened in a positive way. OK you may have some negative feelings but when things go wrong that is when you learn the most about yourself and those around you...
E= Energise yourself by taking the learnings and feeding your inner voice. Remember how it feels and use that to succeed in the future. Successful people have all made mistakes, just not the same ones twice. Let the experience fuel your determination, fuel your desire to bounce back and show yourself (and maybe others) that you have learned and that you will succeed in the future.

What a great set of ingredients for being resilient, for bouncing back.  And don't you love the word - I feel more positive just saying "bouncebackability"... and for me it immediately conjures up a sense of movement, of energy, of dynamism, of springing back...

So what do you think?  How important is resilience to you?  How have you managed to bounce back in the past... and what are your magic ingredients for bouncing into the future?

How to step off your map: a view from Edinburgh's Old Town

Walking around the Old Town of Edinburgh is a powerful reminder of the limitations of maps.

There's no way that any map can do justice to the criss-crossing streets, the rabbit's warren of narrow closes, the dizzying effect as you look over a bridge and see the dark chasm of another road running deep beneath your feet. 

There's a constant shift in experience: from darkness to sudden bursts of light, from the noise of taxis pounding the cobbles to the silence of a deserted alleyway, from the bustle of modern shops and cafes to the quiet history of narrow lanes that haven't changed in centuries... 

The reality you think you know is always changing, always richer, more intriguing, more full of possibilities than you had seen or believed or remembered...

If you love life, don't squander time

I came across this amazing clock on the Cornish side of the Cremyll Ferry when I was down in Plymouth the other week.  The words around the clock face state that "time and tide tarry for none". This was set within the frame of the bigger question: "Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time". 

This really got me thinking about our often challenging relationship with time.  Time plays a key role in our lives.  It gives meaning to our stories: without it life would just be a disconnected series of events.   Yet all too often time becomes the enemy: we don't have enough of it, we are driven by deadlines, squeezing the impossible into every moment, constantly chasing after time, or beating ourselves up about spending it the wrong way.   Victorian instructions 'not to squander time' would only add to the guilt and frustration we already carry around with us - wouldn't they?

And yet there was something really intriguing about the way the question was put: dost thou love life?  And if the answer was "yes!" what would that mean for the way we chose to spend our time?